Take Me Home Tonight
by PenguinRegina
Summary: Hawke needs an escort home and is forced to confront issues in her past with the help of Fenris, who wants to set things right. Between act 2 and 3. This was going to be a quick fluff piece that got out of hand.
1. Chapter 1

**Varric**

"Hawke, be reasonable." He attempted to say and mostly managed without slurring. He'd started drinking early in the afternoon at a merchant's meeting and had bumped into a despondent Hawke who required some drinking herself. So far it had been a very long, alcohol fueled day.

"No, no, no." She said shaking her head and then becoming visible sickened by the motion.

Once her color improved, she screwed on her serious face again. "I'm not staying here! Or anywhere else-I'm going home NOW." She said loudly, invoking as much gravitas as possible while struggling to leave her seat at the Hanged Man's table.

Varric watched her flop ineffectually against the dwarven chair and muttered some of his favorite curses under his breath. He was in no state to handle surly friends.

Knowing he was less drunk than Hawke, but still in no shape to see her home, he scanned the room for any helpful allies.

Isabela was nowhere to be seen, of course, even though the hard liquor they had imbibed had been at her behest, part of some drinking game that had seemed fun at the time. In hindsight, it had been fairly ill advised.

Donnic and Aveline had long ago departed to their home and Varric felt a distinct pang of disappointment that the stolid guard captain wasn't around. Aveline could wrangle Hawke at her most intransigent, either by verbally or physically subduing her.

"Shit" he muttered soulfully.

She had managed an upright position, but Hawke was still struggling for balance, grasping at the table to keep standing, when he spied Merrill still playing cards with Fenris a few tables away with some city guards Varric recognized in passing from earlier in the evening when Donnic and Aveline had still been playing.

"Wait a second there Hawke, ok? Lemme ask the Elf and Daisy something real quick before you go." He said to Hawke who was unsteadily swaying even as she held on to the chair.

"Ok Varric, but only because you're my good, good friend. I want to go…" she began to ramble, insisting again, making Varric roll his eyes as he turned away from her. He wished his friend was a less belligerent drunk.

 _"Saved by sober elves!"_ he thought with a grin and laboriously made his way towards his companions. He noted curiously that his feet felt enormous. "Like a Qunari!" he exclaimed to no one in particular as he struggled to maintain his composure. He wanted to giggle very badly. He was beginning to entertain the idea that he was perhaps more inebriated than he had first thought. He would probably have stern words for himself tomorrow about that.

He made it to Fenris' side and leaned heavily on the elf's shoulder for a moment.

Fenris glowered at him and shrugged his hand off. "Right, right, prickly, brooding, no touching." He muttered. This caused the elf to give him the side eye and very deliberately ignored him.

Time and, more immediately, alcohol had made Varric lose some of his initial trepidation with Fenris. The elf had originally seemed as trustworthy as a starving wolf. Experience had shown him his bite was worse than his bark.

 _"Honestly, if the guy wanted to kill you, he didn't bother warning you about it first."_

Gathering all his considerable charm, he shook the elf's shoulder, shortly getting a response from him.

"What do you want Dwarf?" he growled, not bothering to give Varric a look.

Looking over the elf's shoulder, Varric could see that his cards were pretty good and he was probably going to make a fairly profitable win at the end of this round if he didn't screw it up. The elf would win more if he'd bother learning to cheat properly like Isabela had tried to teach him to do, but he'd noticed the elf was always leery of spending too much time alone with the pirate. Knowing Isabela and knowing Fenris, Varric could see the wisdom in that.

He nodded and made a benign face at the other players who shot suspicious glances his way. _My reputation precedes me_. He thought. However, he had a mission to carry out and a dwarf on a mission was not easily deterred.

"Elf, I'm going to ask you for a favor you may not want to do, but I know you'll definitely do it." He said, possibly not being as persuasive or diplomatic as he might have hoped.

 _"That sounded a lot better in my head. Eh, whatever_. "

A quick glance at Hawke, revealed her animatedly talking to Corf, saying something that made him nod sagely. Hawke always spoke to the barkeep last when leaving the Hanged Man.

He needed to get rolling.

"What do you need Varric?" Fenris said tersely, still not bothering to look at him. " _Stubborn bastard!"_

"Here's what I propose. I'll sit in for you at this game, win you a bigger pot that you ever would, give you all the winnings tomorrow, if…" he paused dramatically.

"If?" Fenris asked raising one dark brow, finally giving Varric an impatient glance over his shoulder.

"If you make sure Hawke gets home safe." He finished, giving his most benign smile.

The raised eyebrow was transforming into a scowl.

Varric was now exasperated with the whole situation. _"In vino veritas"_ he thought and decided that the time for politeness had passed.

"Damn it, Fenris. She's being impossible. She's too drunk to walk, but insists on heading up to Hightown, by herself. If anyone in this shit-hole can keep her safe, it's a former bodyguard and supposed friend. In my current condition, that means you." Varric caught his breath as he saw Hawke ducking though the door. He hoped bald-faced honesty would help the cause. And because he was inebriated and desperate, he stared pointedly at the red scarf the elf had been wearing on his wrist for a couple of years now. He knew what it meant. He had listened and comforted Hawke for several nights after. As far as he was concerned, the elf owed Hawke big time.

The elf's expression was indescribable as he glanced to where Hawke had just been standing. The door was slowly swinging shut and two thugs were slipping out, hot on her heels.

"Fasta vass, you should have said so before." He pursed his lips and somehow Varric found himself in Fenris' still warm seat. The elf slapped his cards into his hand and glowered at him briefly. "All my winnings Dwarf. Tomorrow."

Varric had forgotten how quickly the warrior could move when necessary. With a curt nod at the rest of the players, Fenris stalked out of the Hanged Man after Hawke.

Feeling satisfied that the Hawke situation was well in hand; Varric turned his attention to the bemused looking players at the table. He shuffled the hand he's been given, smiled wickedly at the two guards and gave Merrill a sly wink.

"You heard the man, I'm expected to give him his winnings tomorrow. Lets do this" he said, his mind already churning with all the tricks he would employ to maximize the elf's winnings and maybe win himself a little something for his trouble.

Drunk or not, Varric Tethras was the best Wicked Grace player in Kirkwall and he wasn't going to let something as trifling as being falling down drunk discredit him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hawke**

She wobbled slightly outside the Hanged Man. She drew herself up and made a heroic effort to reach the steps towards the marketplace without stumbling. Two shadows flitted in her peripheral vision and she wished she was slightly less intoxicated in preparation of the inevitable attack.

Hawke was reaching for the ornamental short sword she had belted on in a fit of pique earlier. She was suddenly haunted by her arrogant declaration, _"Who would attack me? I'm the Champion of Kirkwall!",_ to Aveline's dubious glances at the unaccustomed weapon.

The memory now bitterly washed up her throat, leaving her with a nasty burning sensation both body and mind. It was all well and good to push your luck when you didn't really think anything would happen. She could hear the guard captain's voice admonishing her in her mind _"its all fun and games with you Hawke…"_

However her awful mood had made her rash and irritable. She had been spitefully doing things all day, from wearing this stupid sword (with no shield, of course) to drinking the day away and then attempting to drink Varric under the table tonight. _"Damn his dwarven constitution!"_

Now she simply hoped she would live to regret this day of willfully making bad decisions.

She tried to clear her head. "Damned if I survived one-on-one battle with the Arishok to die in this filthy alley at the hands of some Carta thug or something." she muttered angrily. She slowly backed towards a wall and drew her pitiful weapon.

She was about to issue a challenge to the ruffians following her, when a loud thud and a strangled croak made her turn just in time to see a blue glow fading as she heard the familiar sound of a body hitting the ground.

She sneered and shoved the pretty, if useless, little sword back into its scabbard. _"Of course. Just the person I need to deal with today. Perfect"_ she thought savagely.

"I could have handled them myself, Fenris." She called out after waiting in the dark alley for a few seconds _. "Did he seriously think I wouldn't notice the light show?"_ She rolled her eyes in the dark.

Very much like the first time she laid eyes on him, he turned the corner; face scowling and covered in blood spatter.

 _"And still as attractive. Bastard."_ She thought and felt her jaw clench in anger.

"Sober, certainly. As you are now..." he trailed off, as he strapped his double-handed sword on his back again.

"You're one to lecture on sobriety." She spat. _For no real reason_ , she argued with herself. She had seen the elf drunk less than a handful of times over the years. Unlike her current state, drink usually just made him mellower and easier to talk to. She mentally kicked herself. She was in no mood to be magnanimous to anyone, much less him.

He ignored her comment, which only served to stoke the fires of her all-consuming anger. He had produced a handkerchief from one of his belt pouches and was calmly wiping most of the blood off himself. He walked slowly towards her. She felt haughty judgment rolling off him at her within his silence.

"Why did you follow me? I'm just going home. **Alone**." She asked, her voice sounding vicious even to her ears.

Even though drink and adrenaline were hot and still churning inside her, She was exhausted from her anger. She felt like she was poisoned by hatred today. She desperately wanted the day to be over, she couldn't stand herself, even though she couldn't imagine that tomorrow would be any better.

The lanky warrior raised one eyebrow quizzically as he continued to ignore her questions. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a piercing stare.

Hawke decide she'd had enough of his judging looks and turned around, probably a bit too quickly as she stumbled backwards, making her struggle to grasp a wall for balance.

Suddenly strong, wiry arms were holding her up and she found herself halfway to the ground, her back against the hard Tevene chest plate Fenris always wore. Embarrassment and vertigo fought for dominance.

"Varric was right. You are in no shape to be out here alone." He said quietly, with a tone that, sober, she might take for concern. Being so close to him, she felt the rumble of his voice in his chest and felt her jaw unclench as he hoisted her back to her feet.

 _"Damn his voice. Just handsome I could have handled. You don't see me mooning after Sebastian, who is gorgeous_ _ **and**_ _a prince. The damned voice kills me. So unfair."_ She thought bitterly. However, her curiosity was piqued by his comment.

"Varric? Since when do you do what Varric tells you to do? Since when do you do **anything** anyone asks you to do?!" she said shrilly, her anger now spreading to Varric as well. She'd get him later. " _Meddlesome dwarf!"_

A wry, lopsided smile spread on his face briefly before he twitched it away _. "Like shooting stars, those smiles. Lovely and gone."_ The stupid, soppy thought brought her back to her senses and helped re-kindle her anger at the world in general.

"I'm going home." She repeated as she attempted a grand sweep away from him, which ended up with her staring dead into a wall. She snorted in anger and turned again, only to now find Fenris squarely between her and the way back to Hightown giving her what Merrill called 'puppy eyes'.

"Let me walk you home. If nothing else, it will give me peace of mind." He said, awkwardly extending a hand to her. "I could help you keep your balance."

Hawke gave his offered hand a quizzical look but crossed her own arms over her chest.

Taking a new tact she replied coolly "I'm fine. You and Varric needn't bother. Thank you for your help. I'm sure that no one else will bother me now."

She gathered as much of her ragged dignity as her drunken state would allow and stepped around Fenris, only barely stumbling. If she concentrated hard on each step, one after the other, she would probably make it home all right.

"In Tevinter, if a magister was too drunk to walk on his own, his slaves would carry him home in a palanquin. Seeing as I'm on my own with you and, as far as I know, you don't have a palanquin handy, I could simply sling you over my shoulder." He said matter of factly as he strolled next to her, easily keeping pace.

The look she gave him was intended to wither and peel paint, but due to her current condition she suspected it only made her look cross-eyed.

The elf continued to stroll, unbothered by the vitriol being mentally projected his way.

"Weren't you playing cards? Are you going to let Merrill win?" She said, grasping for anything that would make the man leave. Her head ached from drink and anger.

He shrugged and kept pace with her.

She balled her fists and decided to ignore him and they continued their way towards Hightown. Did she really live this far from the Hanged Man? The path seemed to stretch endlessly before her.

If she was going to try to seem cool, calm and collected, she needed to not be falling over her own feet (again). She kept her eyes down and made a concerted effort to put one foot in front of the other.

Fenris silently kept pace. She could have forgotten he was there if she didn't spy his feet near hers every so often.

Since she was tremendously drunk (Varric was not actually wrong about that. Point conceded.) she could only concentrate on one thing at a time. This allowed her focus to shift from her overwhelming anger and she felt it slip away, little by little and in its place a feeling of dread began to come over her.

Each step up towards Hightown, moving her away from the market, made her feel sicker and sicker with torment. As she neared the Amell estate she was shaking.

At the door to her mansion she froze.

"We're here. Once I see you inside I'll let you be." Fenris said softly by her side, almost a whisper. His dark shape blended into the verdant trellises around the doorway, only his bright hair giving him away.

But she was unable to move, and to her horror she felt an unstoppable avalanche of tears coming to her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but that battle was lost even before it started, and all she could do was put her hands over her face and sob.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fenris**

In all the years he had known Hawke he had never seen her cry. He found he was quite unprepared for this development.

He **had** been prepared to fend off a physical an attack from her, a verbal tirade or some sort of hissy fit, like he had imagined she might throw once she saw him following her. Any of that he was prepared for, but not tears. Never tears.

Immediately he was overwhelmed with the instinctual empathy and dismay any man feels when confronted by a woman's tears. He felt a powerful urge to embrace her, to comfort her. However, he held back. He understood it was not his place...he knew had walked away from that privilege long ago.

So he did the only thing he could think to do. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder and hoped there was something he could kill to solve this.

Hawke felt his awkward touch and took her hands away from her face. She did not look pretty when she cried, he noticed, but it didn't stop his heart from wrenching to see her like this. His feelings must have shown on his face because she turned away from him, but no nearer to the door to her manse.

"How can I fix this? How can I make it stop, Hawke?" he asked after what felt like an unbearable eternity, just listening to her cry and struggle for composure." _Please say I can stab someone and make it better"_ he thought.

She wiped her tears with the backs of her hands and took a deep breath. However that was clearly not enough, because a great wracking sob stopped whatever words she was about to say. It was a few excruciating minutes before she attempted to speak again.

"It's empty." She said ever so softly. "The house is empty. Everyone is gone." With those words she dissolved into sobs again.

"Wait, what happened to Bodhan and Sandal? Orana? Have they gone?" he asked, dumbstruck. _"Why would all the servants have fled? Has something happened? How did I not know?"_

"Not them." She gasped. "Father, Carver, mother, Bethany...they...they should be here" she said in a choked voice.

Still struggling to comprehend the depth of the emotional turmoil he was being thrust into, he quickly realized he had nothing to say about the matter, however the situation required immediate attention. So, like he had only done very few times in his life, he went with his impulse. He took her hand and said, "Come with me."

For a moment he was unsure of how Hawke would react: punch him, spit on him, maybe storm away, but she stared into his eyes for what felt like an ungodly long time and hesitantly nodded her consent. He chose to ignore his own rising trepidation and led the way to his mansion.

The short walk from the Amell estate to his own went by in a blur. He wasn't sure what would happen afterwards, but Hawke needed someone and he would not be found lacking this time. _"I will not run away again. Never again"_

She hesitated briefly at the door, but she gave him a glance and stepped through after him. For the first time since claiming the house, he felt embarrassed at the state of the place. But there was nothing to be done about it now. He kept his head down and led her upstairs, past the magically preserved corpses and torn paintings, to the great room with the fireplace that was his de-facto living space. Once past the entrance he let her hand go to stoke the fire he had banked while he was away.

When he turned back to his guest, he found her just as he had left her, looking forlorn in the middle of the room. For a moment she seemed very small. It bothered him to see her like this. Hawke normally had a presence that would fill a room, steal all the air and fill everyone's eyes. _"Even when she fought the Arishok, she had not looked this small"._

"Please, make yourself comfortable" He said gesturing at his remaining furniture. _"Perhaps I should start using actual firewood and not just whatever's in the house"_ he thought briefly, chagrined to see all there was in the room were two uncomfortable chairs and his smallish bed.

Hawke looked around and gingerly sat on the edge of his bed, which was closest, her face showing her uncertainty at this development. _"I'm pretty sure getting in my bed was not part of the plan for the evening."_

Looking about the cluttered table he used as his catchall, he saw a fairly clean goblet and a pitcher of fresh water he had filled just this morning. Giving the goblet a quick rinse, he filled it with water and took it to Hawke.

"Drink it. You'll be glad you did in the morning," He said as he handed it to her.

Numbly she accepted the drink and gulped down the water. He filled it twice more before she shook her head, giving the goblet back. Her eyes, while puffy from crying were at half-mast. More than sad, she looked exhausted. As someone for whom all emotions were draining, he knew just how she felt.

Without a word, he reached behind her and grasped his wadded-up blanket. He shook it out and carefully wrapped it around her shoulders. He sat on the bed next to her, just as he had the night Leandra had been killed. Hawke gave him a puzzled look.

He suspected it was his turn to open up, so he decided to jump right in. "I understand loneliness Hawke. You must know I do. But **you** are not alone. You will never be alone if I can help it."

Hawke forced a pained smile and fumbled under the blanket to reach for his hand. Her hand felt cold and clammy. The smile faded quickly and she hung her head.

"I was supposed to take care of them. I promised. I promised and I have failed miserably. " She muttered softly.

"Who did you promise?"

"My father, on his death bed. He asked me to look out for them, that I was his-" But the words died in her throat and a sob gasped out in their place. Her eyes gleamed with tears, but none would fall _._

 _"Cried out"_ he thought, not without some relief.

"Hawke, would your mother and sister made it out of Lotherin without you?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe? I don't know. Maybe not, not if it was just the two of them." she admitted. "But Carver..."

"Carver died a hero, protecting your family, as you would have in his place. Am I correct?" Fenris insisted.

"But **he** died instead! And then I wasn't even around when Bethany was taken away to the Gallows. I was lost in the Deep Roads, like some stupid nug" She protested, unwilling to be comforted.

"And why were we in the Deep Roads, Hawke? For what reason did we go there?" he asked, pushing the issue. He felt his heart ache hearing her recriminate herself for all the sacrifices she had made for her family.

"Ugh, you know why. The estate. Mother and Bethany deserved to live there, not in Gamlen's disgusting hovel." she said with the repugnant tone she reserved for her ne'er-do-well uncle. "Yes, I know. I needed the money from the expedition to buy back the estate he lost." she said flatly.

He gripped her hand and said nothing. He had been entombed in the Deep Roads that week with her, Varric, and Anders and knew exactly how harrowing the experience had been for all of them. They had barely known each other then, but her jokes and good spirits had kept him sane under all that rock.

"I should have asked more about mother's 'suitor'. If I'd paid more attention, she would be alive. We could have caught Quentin, why didn't I…"

But before Hawke could continue her self-recriminations, a huge yawn escaped her, silencing her.

Wordlessly, Fenris eased her into a recumbent position. She gave him a bewildered glance, but didn't resist. The fight had gone out of her.

Once lying down, she struggled to open her eyes a few times, and seemed like she would say something else, but finally exhaustion and alcohol had bested her. As he carefully removed himself from the bed, he saw her give one last sigh and keep still, overcome by sleep.

He walked slowly to the fireplace while he tried to put his own thoughts into order as he tended the fire. For a time he gazed at the flames until he felt his chest-plate heating up from his nearness to the flame.

Fenris turned around and stared at Hawke, asleep on his bed, her face still troubled. He hoped that sleep would erase much of the evening from her memory.

While he felt the urge to do _something_ , he felt entirely out of his depth with the situation. Emotional issues were not his forte by any stretch of the imagination.

 _"So let's just take touching words of wisdom out of the running._ _ **That's**_ _not going to happen_." Which left actions. He was definitely more a man of action.

He considered the options available and came up with what felt like a good solution.

Pausing only to make sure Hawke was well asleep and reasonably comfortable, he quietly made his way out into the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sebastian**

"Wake up"

In his dream, Elthina was suddenly scolding him for showing up late to matins. He hoped she hadn't noticed he was only wearing his belt and boots. Her voice sounded strange though, very deep.

"Sebastian, wake up"

He mumbled and turned, feeling himself losing his grip on sleep. He was drifting back into the dream when something hard and sharp poked his shoulder.

With a gasp the prince sat up, instinctively bringing up the dagger he kept under his pillow only to find his wrist caught in a steely grip. As his eyes adjusted to the pre-dawn gloom, he made out the white hair and lyrium marks that instantly identified his attacker.

"Fenris!?" He gasped, still dazed from the unexpected intrusion. "Maker, what are you doing here at this hour? Is something wrong?" His mind reached for answers but he was barely awake and nothing came to him.

The elf released his arm and Sebastian lowered his weapon, initial panic subsiding.

"Good reflexes. I thought you'd throw the knife though. I know you have the aim for it." The elf mused, unperturbed by the situation. The warrior moved silently away from the bed, dispassionately looking over the other lay brothers whose sleep remained blessedly undisturbed.

"Why are you here? What has happened?" Sebastian insisted in a loud whisper. Fenris was possibly the last person he'd expect to show up uninvited to his quarters. He's always figured it would be Isabela who'd try something in his sleep; maybe Varric, if he was feeling sufficiently mischievous (and probably egged on by Isablea).

"I need the help of an honorable man." The elf said with all seriousness. "And you are the most respectable person I know."

The elf was not one to throw words like that around cavalierly. " _So, not some foolishness"_ he thought. Sebastian was instantly intrigued.

"Well, if you consider me that, then I will certainly hear you out, my friend."

And so it was that Sebastian was taken into the delicate confidence of Fenris' plan.

Once the plan was explained and his part laid out, he agreed.

The sun's first rays of light gleamed off the prince's resplendent armor as he made his way to the docks to see about transportation to the Gallows.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hawke**

She woke up mid-morning with her armor was digging into her side. A thin, unfamiliar blanket was tucked around her and the bed underneath her felt equally alien.

Bleary eyed and still woozy, she looked around the familiar, if unexpected surroundings. She had to do a second visual sweep of the room before she saw her host, curled up in a chair by the fire, asleep.

As quietly as possible, she tried to extricate herself from her blanket cocoon. However, the blanket had gotten caught on the hilt of her pretty little sword and it clattered noisily on the floor even as she made a desperate reach to grab it.

Fenris jumped out of his chair, lyrium lit, looking for intruders, but finding only Hawke, wide-eyed and blushing, hand still outstretched from her botched attempt to catch the sword in mid-air.

"Good morning?" she said sheepishly. Her mouth felt as if she had been sucking on a cotton ball all night.

Fenris released a sharp breath and ran his hands through his hair as his marking returned to their quiescent state. With a flash of smile he mumbled "Good morning", his voice thick from sleep.

Hawke finished extricating herself from the blanket and putting her silly little sword in its too-pretty scabbard before she spoke. She resolved to ask Bodahn to sell it that very day for all the good it had been so far.

"How much trouble was I last night? I remember I was determined to get home, but then..." she petered off as her haphazard recollections were hazily trying to form some kind of coherent picture. _"Was I crying last night? Oh Maker, I hope not."_ she thought, even as her body involuntarily shuddered.

With a wry look, the elf answered. "More than usual, but not as much as you could have been."

He gave a glance at his table and grabbed a pitcher, which he bought over. Without a word, he filled a goblet she now remembered drinking water from the night before. Filled, he handed it to her. She was embarrassed and grateful that it was Fenris caring for her; quietly and without judgment. As she drank the water, she could just imagine how this scene would have played out with her other friends and she shuddered just at the thought of it. _"Aveline would never let me live this down."_

"We should get some food in you. How hung-over are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

Taking stock of herself she answered. "I don't feel too bad yet. A bit dizzy. Food sounds disgusting, but I guess I should have some."

After a pause she added "Bodahn and Orana will be in a panic because I never came home" as she roughly tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

Her body ached all over and she had a very definite suspicion that she had been crying last night. "Ugh, I'm sorry for the stupid things I did last night. Thank you for...everything, really."

Sheepishly she gathered her things and made her way downstairs, her head feeling oddly, like it was floating above her body.

Fenris quietly followed.

Now feeling embarrassed about having him take care of her the night before (had she been in a fight? no, he'd stepped in...right?). Without noticing, she had made it to his mansion's threshold. She stopped and faced him, her friend, companion, and one time lover. Her emotions were still not entirely under control and she felt herself tear up before she even said anything.

A dismayed look crossed his face and he shook his head. Understanding passed between them, as it tended to do. They were similar enough that often enough they needed no words.

She gave a grateful sigh and nodded. Without another look or word, she let Fenris take her home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fenris**

The walk to the Amell estate was simultaneously too long and too short. They didn't speak at all, both still emotionally and physically wrung out from the previous evening.

Hawke still seemed so delicate to him (especially for someone who normally wielded two-handed battle axes). His head swam with concerned about if his plan would work out.

Before he could bring himself to say anything, Bodhan was greeting them at the door with a jolly "Lady Hawke, welcome home! Messere Fenris, thank you for sending word with one of Varric's lads that the lady was safe with you. A true gentleman you are."

The devoted manservant shot the elf a measuring gaze and in an instant Fenris felt himself judged and acquitted of whatever slight the dwarf had been holding him responsible for. " _Do dwarves do nothing but gossip all day and night?"_ He thought.

Fenris felt the color rise to his face and decided Varric was going to literally pay for his indiscretion this time. His winnings plus whatever else he'd bamboozled from the other players after Fenris had left seemed reasonable.

He made a satisfying mental note of it as he and Hawke crossed the threshold of her home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hawke**

As soon as she walked in the door, a brown blur barreled into her, nearly knocking her back into Fenris.

She smiled into Monster's big brown eyes and let her Mabari lick her face a few times, hugging his muscular body and heartily thumping his sides before asking him to stop the licking. "I know where that tongue has been buddy."

Monster gave a short whine and switched to walking excited circles around her.

"What are you so worked up about baby?" She said, trying not to trip over her excited dog, not expecting to hear the answer.

"I suppose it's partly my fault" a thick brogue explained.

Startled, Hawke looked up to see the uncrowned prince of Starkhaven sitting by her fireplace. "Sebastian!" She exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

Before he could answer, she heard female voices from the kitchen coming closer.

"Oh absolutely! I would love the apple tarts Orana. No, really, they're my favorites… Of course I'll ask him." Bethany said absently while leaving the kitchen. "Sebastian, you like apple tarts, right?"

Hawke felt her knees give momentarily. The scene was so alien, yet so cozy and familiar all at once. It was suddenly like it had been in Lotherin with their mother cooking and Bethany helping. She could almost imagine her father and Carver outside bickering over how to best accomplish some physical labor neither was particularly inclined to undertake.

The spell was broken when Bethany turned and saw her.

Identical blue eyes met and the two sisters ran to each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sebastian**

The prince broke into a broad smile seeing the sisters reunited. Their happiness was palpable and everyone in the room could feel it.

Sebastian scanned the room, noting Bodahn's watering eyes, Orana's sweet smile and Monster's unbridled joy - which the Mabari was expressing by racing from one room to another, stopping only to look at the two girls he'd grown up with and then taking off again.

However Sebastian's smile waned slightly when his gaze found the author of this happy event, skulking in the entryway, turning around to leave.

Quickly he made his way to the elf, interposing himself between Fenris and the door.

"Tis a fine thing you've wrought. Stay, share in the joy."

The elf didn't meet his gaze and shook his head.

"I understand you don't wish to make this about you, but you deserve the credit, my friend." He insisted quietly. The Lay Brother understood the desire to do good and remain anonymous all too well, but he felt the elf deserved acknowledgement for this happy occasion. The former slave was so rarely involved in happy occasions. You wanted Fenris at your back if there was battle, but for the occasional end of a job drink rounds at the Hanged Man, Sebastian had gathered the elf's life did not feature much celebration.

"The Maker smiles on bringing happiness to those we love" he said quietly. The frozen look on Fenris' face cleared any doubts in his mind about the warrior's feelings for Hawke. " _Ah my friend, your whole being betrays your feelings. A shame you don't give them more reign."_ The prince thought ruefully.

"You've done a good thing" he reiterated as the Hawke sisters were vigorously rubbing Monster's upturned belly to the joyous noises of the ecstatic dog. "Look at them."

A wry smile crept on the elf's face. "Well, not everyone is happy with me. I should probably avoid seeing Cullen for a few months. He did not receive **any** happiness from this."

The reformed prince felt a corresponding smile on his face. "He did seem quite put out. What ever did you do to the man?"

The warrior shrugged elaborately and fixed his eyes on Hawke, who was putting together an impromptu breakfast for everyone with Orana and Bodahn. There was an ongoing debate about the amount of eggs available in the house versus the amount needed to feed everyone.

Sebastian drank in the sight: Fenris staring longingly at Hawke, Hawke in turn smiling genuinely for the first time since her mother's death, and beautiful Bethany, who he had not had the pleasure to meet until their trip from the Gallows, looking radiant with happiness at being home. For one lovely moment all was well.

Hawke seemed to reach an accord with Bodahn and Orana and interrupted their reverie as she declared loudly "Alright, scrambled eggs, biscuits and ham it is then. Food should be ready soon."

"And apple tarts too" Bethany added, eyes bright and beautiful as her sister's, trained on his. Sebastian felt his color rise and cursed his redhead complexion. He couldn't help but grin when he saw her own cheeks flush as she turned away.

 _"All good things, my friend. These are all good things. Thank the Maker and Andraste for these moments, for they are blessings."_

Throwing caution to the wind, the bigger man put his arm across Fenris' shoulders. "Come on my friend. There are apple tarts and biscuits to be eaten. I can't do this alone."

The elf frowned but did not shake him off. "I can't really say no to some apple tarts, now can I?"

With that the prince led the elf towards the table. "No serah, you certainly cannot."


	9. Chapter 9

**The Hawke Sisters**

The Hawke sisters walked slowly towards the docks. The setting sun washed the distant Gallows in golden light. Each woman was lost in thought as they neared the waters edge.

"It feels almost like old times. Like that first year in Kirkwall, indentured to Athenril." She sighed, amazed that those chaotic days were turning into sweet remembrances.

Bethany laughed and shook her head. "It was hardly all good times. We certainly did a lot of questionable things. But everything about the city was so new!"

Hawke grinned and drank in her little sister's laugh and memorizing her lovely face, luminous in the setting sun. " _She looks so much like mother!"_

"I'm so happy you were given the day today. I really needed to spend a day with you."

Beth shot her a funny look. "They didn't give me a day away. I thought you requested it from the Knight-Commander."

Hawke frowned. "I wish I had. Meredith isn't exactly crazy about me. I'm more a means to an end when she needs help with something. I try to let her forget were related. I thought maybe you had earned a day off, although now that I think about it and everything I know about Meredith, that just sounds silly." Hawke frowned, becoming perplexed.

Beth looked equally puzzled. "What I know for a fact is that at sunrise commander Cullen was knocking on my door telling me to get ready, that I was going home for the day. When I got to the ferry, Sebastian was already there, waiting to escort me to the house." The mage bit her lip a moment.

"I **did** overhear Cullen comment to Sebastian something about keeping your rabid elf on a shorter leash." She gestured vaguely. "I figured Fenris had snarled something nasty at him last time you lot had been around the commander. He needn't antagonize him, Cullen's not a bad sort."

"For a templar, I suppose." Hawke commented with a shrug. Having been raised in hiding by an apostate had left the Hawke siblings without much love for the order. Still, Bethany was right, Cullen was alright. "We haven't crossed paths with Cullen for months. These days Meredith much prefers to snarl at me face to face. Your First Enchanter, Orsino, seems nice though. Reasonable, for the most part."

"He is a lovely man. Very clever. Keeps secrets though. He has contacts all over the city, enough to make Varric jealous." Bethany asserted offhandedly.

"Really?" Hawke commented. The urbane mage hadn't seemed the type to her. She'd have to get that tidbit to Varric, see if he knew he had competition.

"So what did Fenris do yesterday to get under Cullen's skin then?" Bethany persisted.

Being cut off from adventuring had made her voracious for exciting stories. "I'm becoming an old busybody. " she said with a grin.

Life in the Circle was pleasant enough, but somewhat dull in the young mage's opinion.

"I haven't the foggiest. He was with me all last night, as far as I know." Hawke said out loud before she could reconsider her words.

Bethany's eyes opened wide and she stopped in her tracks, making an old man carrying wares nearly drop them in order to avoid bumping into her. "Really?!"

"No, no, not like that! I was drunk, he took me home- I mean his home. Ugh! NO we didn't sleep together last night." Hawke sputtered, feeling flustered.

"Not last night? But 'yes' before?"

"…"

Beth's eyes got wider.

Hawke pursed her lips. "It was only one once. Years ago, okay? It never went anywhere after that." She did not want to go into all the confusion and frustration **that** night had caused since it happened.

"But you wish it had." Bethany said with a gasp. "You're carrying a torch for him. _No_ _wonder_ mother couldn't get you to marry anyone!"

"I didn't' marry anyone because I wasn't interested in becoming a brood mare for some soft, provincial nobleman, thank you." Hawke said in a huff. The conversation had somehow careened into very dangerous territory.

"Not when you have your heart set on an exotic warrior!" Bethany nearly squealed. It had been too many years since her sister had lost her head over someone. This was too good to pass up. "Fenris must have made Cullen give me the day pass somehow. Nobody has been allowed out of the Gallows for months except for Orsino, and even he's escorted by Templars. Oooh, wonder how he did it"

"He must still have feeling for you if he went to all this trouble. Sneaking away, while you lay enticingly on his bed. Getting the Prince to help him."

Thinking it a bit more she added "Maker! I'd say he's **definitely** got some feeling for you."

"Stop it! He's my friend. I've done plenty of crazy stunts to make my friends happy." Hawke argued half-heartedly. _Did he really coordinate all this? In one night?!_ She wondered, butterflies stirring in her stomach. She secretly wanted to agree with Beth. This was a lot of trouble to go through for just a friend.

Beth drove her point home. "Yes, **you** have. You're like that, sweet in your own brutish way. Always have been. But Fenris? I didn't know him as long, or as well as you, **obviously**. But he never struck me as the overly big-hearted, emotional type. Passionate, sure, but not sentimental."

Hawke kept quiet. In her girlish fantasies she'd still entertained the idea that Fenris might want to pick up that part of their relationship again. In her secret dreams, just as suddenly as he had that night after killing Hadriana.

"I hate that I have to go back with all this sexy drama afoot." Bethany complained a little sullenly.

Hawke rolled her eyes and sighed.

At Bethany's comment, Hawke noticed their feet had carried them all the way to the ferry dock. The crew members were settling the passengers into the ferry. The sisters looked at each other with sadness, each knowing it could be years until they saw each other freely like this. The Kirkwall Circle was not known for its thoughtful treatment of its mages or its lenient residency standards. The Gallows was more akin to a prison than the circle their father had described.

"Well we at least have the ferry ride still. Cullen would lose his mind if you came back all alone. Honestly, this Circle's Templars think that mages will all turn into abominations if left to your own devices for even a moment." Hawke said with barely contained disgust.

"Tell me about it." Bethany said, shaking her head.

A cloud passed throwing a shadow over them and just then Hawke felt a prescient chill about the Gallows. " _One of these days, soon, something terrible will happen there."_ She thought with a shudder. She let the feeling pass along with the cloud. They were being herded onto the ferry.

"You know that if you need anything, you just have to get word to me. Varric has his ears everywhere, so just…" Hawke trailed off ineffectually.

"I know." Beth whispered.

They had run out of words. The sisters sat quietly in the ferry as the gangplank was pulled in and the moorings were gathered up.

Looking away from their destination Bethany broke the silence.

"So, what are you going to do about Fenris?"

"Do about him? I…I don't know."

"What would you like to happen? Are you still interested or is your curiosity sated?"

The way Bethany put it curdled in Hawke's stomach. "It wasn't like that!" She snapped. Her own intensity surprised her, after all this time..

Bethany's jaw dropped open and a few people were stared at the sudden outburst.

Hawke calmed herself before she spoke. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. But he's not a hobby or a plaything for amusement. He's my friend, first and foremost. He's intelligent and witty. He feels very deeply and, Maker knows he's prickly, but what he's been through would make anyone defensive." She said, the words she had long thought rolling out of her, unbidden. "He is not a _thing_ to be used. Never again." She finished quietly. Her heart was pounding and she could feel the blood rushing to her face and stomach, making her jittery.

Bethany closed her mouth and shook her head, the soft waves of dark hair momentarily hiding her pretty face. "I guess I know now. Maybe you should let him know how you feel. Wouldn't you both be happier together?"

Hawke had no answer. They had tried once, all those years ago. She had tried to convince herself that that chapter was closed, but if she was honest with herself she knew why she always asked him to accompany her on jobs, why she'd go to his mansion for wine and stories. She only ever sought out Varric's company as much, but she didn't have dreams about Varric like she did about the brooding elf. When she thought about that night, she would become sad, not furious, as she knew she should feel. The reason was clear as day.

She hid her face in her hands. " UUGH! Nug shit!"

Bethany gave her a half smile. "Let me know how it all works out, sis."


	10. Chapter 10

**Fenris**

He stared at the ceiling, noticing there were additional cracks since he had last given the issue any mind. _"This place will come down over my ears before long. Maybe I_ _ **should**_ _move somewhere else_." Varric and Aveline had been after him to move somewhere out of Hightown. Varric obviously invited him to lodge at the Hanged Man. He suspected the dwarf's end game was to have all his friends living in the tavern. Aveline simply wanted him somewhere he wouldn't be a nuisance to her. While he wasn't keen on the idea, both had their valid points. But he stayed. He never packed a thing. He knew that the best choice had been offered long ago and he'd turned it down. So he stayed because he had taken this place from Danarius, but more importantly, he was close to her.

He turned on his side, trying to get some sleep after his busy night, but his brain would not let him rest. " _I was an absolute idiot. It always comes back to that night. I should have never gone to her."_ But he thought so without conviction. He did not regret going to Hawke that night. It was the most precious memory he had made. His regret was what he did after. _"Honestly she should have never spoken to me afterwards. I don't think I would have been able to face her if she hadn't come to seek me out."_

He sighed and flopped on his back again. His eyes were wide open now, his limbs felt like lead. He deliberately closed his eyes and made his breathing slow, but he kept hearing everything happening around him. Every noise was magnified. The squeak of the mice in the walls, someone laughing in the neighboring courtyard, a dog barked in the distance. " _Is that Monster barking?"_ He thought. The idea brought Hawke to the fore of his mind and he knew the battle with sleep was lost again.

He dragged himself to a sitting position with a loud sigh. The room felt stuffy and oppressive. He grunted a disgusted noise and heaved himself to his feet. He knew there would be no rest for him tonight either.

He strapped on his armor and sword as part of his routine. He wasn't looking for trouble, but that had never stopped trouble from finding him. He stepped out and simply began to walk.

It was not too late and a few people were still walking the broad avenues of Hightown. He watched a few as they strolled along, caught up in their own personal dramas. He kept to the deeper shadows and almost felt like he had become invisible. It was a game he had played in his head while he was still Danarius' bodyguard. Of course he knew anyone could see him, but it was always amusing to see how an armored person with a sword could pass unperceived if he simply kept quiet.

He walked up to the foot of the Chantry, and turned past The Blooming Rose. The muffled music within followed him down the stairwell he wandered to the marketplace. The closed stalls seemed small and tawdry in the dim streetlights. Everywhere he went his thoughts were troubled by bittersweet memories of following Hawke to all these places. Mundane chores like selling unwanted weapons they'd found on jobs, buying potions and armor; arguing with Hubert about how to run the Bone Pit. All those moments, unimportant in and of themselves but made sweet simply because he was with her.

He was lost in his reverie so he almost didn't respond when Hawke spoke to him from behind.

"Say neighbor, what brings you out here?"

He turned and gave a brief smile. "Couldn't sleep. Are you only getting back from the Gallows now?"

"No, I went by the Hanged Man first and had a word with Varric. This is yours, by the way. Your winnings from last night, he said." She said untying a heavy purse from her belt.

Inside was a fair amount of silver but more gold than he had expected. "He did better than I would have. Of course he cheats constantly." He noted dryly.

Hawke chuckled. "He was inordinately proud of himself. Said he'd never played as drunk as he was yesterday, or as well. To be honest, I don't know if I'd ever been as drunk as I was either." Her blue eyes were dark in the dim light. She looked into his eyes and he felt that lightning bolt go through his body that he felt whenever she looked at him like that.

"I understand how you were feeling. I've drowned my sorrows more than once. It seems like a thing to do until morning finds you sour mouthed and sick to your stomach" As soon as the words were out he regretted being so graphic.

But Hawke laughed and nodded. "Yes, the next day is usually the worst. Although I have you to thank for saving me from my misery, twice over in one night it seems." She lowered her eyes, missing how the color drained from his face.

Feeling like he had swallowed a hive of bees he shifted his stance uncomfortably. _"Does she know?"_ He felt trapped and wanted to run when a loud thought stopped him, _"NO, I will not run away again from her."_

"Cullen says that I should consider carefully which companions accompany me next time I visit the Gallows, something about foreign elves. He was not too specific, but since Merrill is technically from Ferelden, I'm guessing he means you are persona non grata at the moment." Hawke said with a mischievous smile.

" _Ahh, Cullen."_ He thought with chagrin, pursing his lips. He looked at his feet, unsure what to say.

Hawke nodded, clearly holding back laughter. "I have to know, what ever did you do to Cullen?"

He shrugged eloquently and rolled his eyes. "Nothing permanent. I'll keep out of his hair for a while. Honestly, it wasn't **that** bad."

Hawke looked slightly deflated that he did not elaborate and he suspected she would bring the topic up in the future. An awkward silence ensued for what was more likely a few seconds but felt like a very long time.

He was trying to think of a way to break the moment when a light rain began to fall, creating a soft halo of light around Hawke and he felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her. Hawke's lips parted slightly and he felt his desire deepen as he stared at the drops fall on her lips.

Hawke suddenly took his hand and pulled him under Hubert's stall's flimsy awning, the space being such that they were very close together. He could feel her warm breath on him and faintly smell the sweet mead she had had earlier. _"This is not helping."_

"No point getting wet, right?" Hawke said somewhat breathlessly.

He nodded, feeling dumb and awkward. He ached, having her so close and not being able to do anything about it. The shadows of the awning hopefully concealed the flush he felt on his face.

"I should thank you…for getting Bethany out for the day. It was unexpected, but so sweet. I really needed to spend some time with her." She said quietly.

"Oh, well, after everything you've done for me, for everyone, really. I thought you deserved to at least see your sister. I know I can't do anything about the rest, but I felt that at least I could do this for you. Especially since I…" He stopped self-consciously choking on the confession he was unsure how to make.

Hawke's eyes widened and moistened. He desperately did not want to see her cry again, so he did the only thing he was thinking of. He pulled Hawke to him and pressed his lips to hers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hawke**

" _Is this really happening?"_ She thought as she felt her body respond to his kiss. She had wanted this for so long that it felt unreal. His lips were cool and soft. But despite all that, she wasn't able to give in and to her great surprise

found herself pushing away from him.

"Wait, wait. What's all this now?" She heard her voice say.

He looked equally shocked and even in the gloom she could tell he was blushing. He floundered for words and seemed likely to bolt, but she caught his hands and held tight. Fenris did not struggle but kept silent.

"Well at least that makes two of us surprised." She uncertainly.

"I apologize Hawke. I was out of place, I had no right..." He said hoarsely, finding his voice after a moment. "I've been thinking about you. In fact, I've been able to think of little else. Last night was...an opportunity to put some wrongs to rights between us."

"Still, this is how we nearly ruined our relationship three years ago. We never talked about that night. I knew going in that you had deep wounds Fenris, but I won't lie, I was hurt when you left." Hawke said quietly as the rain gained momentum around them, nearly drowning her out.

His eyes had locked with hers they seemed impossibly large. She had forgotten how mesmerizing they were up close. "I remember your touch as if it were yesterday" he said, causing a her stomach to flip.

"I will not excuse my actions, but I will at least attempt to explain myself. That night I was so confused, overwhelmed. Finally having you in my arms, was like a dream, being accepted, desired as an equal...I hadn't thought I needed anyone or even wanted anyone...until I met you." He declared, bringing a knot to her throat.

 _"Maker, what do I even respond to that?"_ she thought. But she still had to ask.

"Why did you leave me?" She had to know.

"I was afraid. I was a coward and even as I left, I wanted to come back. I did not know about love, I felt that I was not enough, not worthy to be with you. Why you would be willing to be with someone like me was beyond my ken, so I left. I felt I was losing what little I had of myself. I was selfish and confused"

"In the time in between I've come to realize that meeting you was the most important thing that could have happened to me. You've made me become a whole person. When we met, I was a runaway slave, no more. You've made me see that being free is about asserting yourself and making a life. I would make my life at your side. I know forgiveness is a lot to ask for and if you'd like me to go, I will be gone from Kirkwall by morning."

Hawke was momentarily flabbergasted. It was everything and more that she had ever wanted to hear. She put her hands on the sides of his face and kissed him deeply. "If that's true then you are not allowed to run away from me again."

His eyebrows shot up and his eyes softened to that 'puppy-dog' look that Merrill had so aptly named. "Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you."

After that he swept her in his arms and they kissed and held each other close for what seemed like hours. By the time Hawke again took stock of her surroundings they were soaked from the rain, as the shoddy awning was not up to the challenge of the rain that had continued to fall. His hair was plastered to his head and they both smelled wet leather and armor oil. Hawke did not care. She laughed out loud and after a moment he joined in.

"Come home with me." She whispered in his ear. She felt his body respond and he nodded, stealing a long kiss before making any move.

"Home is wherever you are Hawke." He groaned.

"Oh Maker, shut up and take me home Fenris!" She gasped.

And before Aveline had to arrest them for public lewdness, they make their way to the Amell estate for the rest of the night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Varric**

The merchant prince of Kirkwall pounded on the door to the Amell estate until Hawke's servant opened the door.

"Ahh, Orana, how are you today? It's always a nice day when I see you. Is Hawke around?"

He strode confidently into the foyer, taking off his gloves and tucking them in his belt. The elven maid followed, looking a bit anxious, as if she wanted to say something.

He began to declare his intent to the house at large. "I have an investment offer waiting for an answer, but I need Hawke to go in with me on it. "

Varric nodded a greeting to young Sandal and shook hands with Bodahn before continuing his declamation. "You know how dwarven deals are, one minute past their deadline and it's like you put nug-shit in their ale. Am I right?"

As he continued along, he gave Monster a jerky treat, as he always did before bursting into the study.

And that was as far as he got discussing his business deal.

"By all means Varric, make yourself at home." Hawke said dryly, pulling the wooly blanket over herself as she lounged against Fenris' equally naked body, sitting behind her in the large wing chair.

Never had Varric been so glad that the elf was no mage, seeing as he surely be dead on the spot from the look he gave him.

"I'm sure that the deal is wonderful Varric, feel free to use whatever of my funds you need. Now get out." Hawke said looking equal parts angry and amused.

Pulling together his composure, he gave them a winning smile. "It's nice to see you kids made up finally. Not that I needed to see this much of either of you, but at least, we're all friends here. "

He gave them a saucy wink before turning around. "I'll get the details to you later Hawke. Nice to see you too, Elf!"

With that he made his way out of the estate and back towards the Hanged Man, dying to share this titillating bit of news with the ever-receptive Isabela and make sure he added it to his ever growing tale of the Champion.

 _"When I get the whole story, this ought to be really good."_


End file.
